I feel like poo today.

Over the past 24 hours, my blood sugar has been crazy high. It seems to want to stay high and so I have to take massive amounts of insulin to bring it down--and then by the time it works, I get low, and then I get a rebound high.

I am so exhausted. What is going on? A few weeks ago I had the same problem in reverse--I had to cut my insulin regime in half for a few days. And then it went back to normal and my dosages went back to normal and now, holy cow, what IS this? I feel like I've been run over by a truck, hourly.

Plus I'm worried. It's never good to hang out at 250-300. Makes me nervous and scared. And did I mention I feel like crap and even my thinking takes more time and effort? Ugh.

It's ONLY 210 right now and I've taken more insulin to bring it down from that...so I'm going off to try to sleep off this high-blood-sugar hangover and get in what rest I can in case I have more difficulties (high or low) in the middle of the night.

Anyone want to come babysit tomorrow so I can take a nap? PLEASE????

Hi there

One amazing and crazy trip to Oklahoma with no internet access and one bout of depression later, I'm finally back, and all I can think is how much I hate those stupid "Get your body back" ads for "helping women lose the baby weight" and such.

What? Whose body do they think I have now?

We are so screwed up, at least in this country, about body image and dieting and such. Holy cow.

More soon, if I can pull myself out of this spell of social withdrawal. I just miss my family so much. It STINKS that they are so far away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm still here. It's just that my internet's been total crap lately. I have had the internet MAYBE 5 minutes A DAY for the last two weeks. But it seems like it's better the last two or three days, so keep your fingers crossed and maybe I'll get some new posts up that don't just complain about my connection!

Also of note, my blood sugars have been crazy-low lately. One day I checked probably 13 times and had no number over 80. ALL DAY LONG! And then one morning after breakfast my blood sugar dropped to 37, which is not only crazy low but also a crazy time for my b.s. to drop, considering I usually have an after-breakfast spike.

And, I've been sick and I had my monthly visitor this last week, two events that generally raise blood sugars a little bit. So what gives? So far I have no real answers, but a few guesses, involving wacky hormones and T-Tapp.

Whatever it is, I've had to drastically decrease my daytime Lantus and of course my Humalog is down too, so here's hoping that a) that fixes my problem and b) my insulin requirements stay low. Yay for not having to take as much insulin!

Now I have to go to bed. That being-low-all-the-time thing really wears you out, ya know. G'night!

Random Question

Today I was thinking about an upcoming trip we have and all the little details I have to iron out about our flights...

And then I was thinking about the "liquid laws" airlines have in place now, and how I need to call the airline and just ask what exactly I should do with my insulin so that it's not awkward like it's been the last few times...

And then I realized I had a question for the Internets. So, Internets, what does a person with a pump do when going through the whole airport security scenario?

Yet another way changing to a pump might change the way your daily life flows. Hm. Food for thought: what other things will change and be either more difficult or less so that I haven't already thought about, assuming that someday in the next few years I get a pump?

Oh, and how the heck do young moms with pumps keep their kids from accidentally yanking the tubing out?

Last of the Month

Seriously? I forgot to post yesterday? Holy Geez. Where did that day even go? I sure don't remember.

Anyway. 

Things I Have Learned About Myself This April:

1. Blogging every day about my diabetes is like pulling teeth.

2. I have a lot of leftover feelings about a lot of things that I sort of just shoved away in a box underneath the bed.

3. Now is the time to deal with them because they are making me feel like crap.

4. Like how I don't like to talk about my diabetes. 

5. I'm a very self-aware person but somehow I've managed to avoid looking at this disease that is such a huge part of my life.

6. I LOVE T-Tapp. My back is feeling about a million times better today than it did a month ago. This morning I actually had a really sore shoulder (probably from how much I had to carry Tyler on my back yesterday), but while I was doing the workout, I actually felt it begin to un-knot and, for lack of a better way to explain it, get fixed. This is so empowering!

7. I really do put myself dead last a lot of the time, just like the stereotypical Mom. I've been wearing broken glasses for over a year now. It is time to get new ones.

8.  I love reading other people's blogs, no matter what they're about, but I always feel like this blog is too boring to read. Thanks, though, for sharing whatever it is you've shared on your blog. Being able to read others' writings is key for me in feeling connected with the outside world while caring for two children under the age of two.

9. Speaking of which...I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT THE INTERNET. Our regular 'puter recently died and I am now limited to using the internet sometime between when Ben comes home from work and when I go to bed--you know, during dinner, bath, bedtime, etc...not a lot of chances there. And it seems like I can't get anything done when I get to the computer because by the time I do, I'm just ready for bed, and not exactly a fountain of wisdom or energy and motivation.

10.  My list of books to read is never going to get any smaller.

11. I miss being able to watch Conan O'Brien.

12. Did I mention that I'm too tired at the end of the day to say anything coherent? Sorry.

13. I'm amazed and thankful that you stuck around during this month. Thanks so much. Now, hopefully I will resume posting when I actually have something to say, although I will try to post more frequently than I have in the past. But first I'm heading over to James and the Giant Moose to catch up on my posting up there.

Blah

I have an inordinate amount of rage today because some of our papers got rained on. I knew they were going to get rained on and I took every step I could think of to prevent it from happening but it didn't work and WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO MAD?!?

Maybe it's because I didn't manage to do my T-Tapp today. Gotta remember to do that!

I can't believe it's almost May. Time marches on.

Letter to my state

Dear North Carolina,

Hey, howzit goin'? Things with me are going all right, although I have to say, I generally enjoy living within your borders, but today was not so fun. If you could perhaps reconsider that whole "90% humidity" thing, I'd really appreciate it. Otherwise, this entire season is going to suck for me. Your high temps combined with the incredible amounts of moisture in your air really just make me feel like taking refuge in another state. Or at the very least, lying in a dark room in front of an air conditioner.

How could you do this to me? It's not even MAY yet and you've already brought the pain. Ouch.

Then again, James really REALLY loved it when you rained like crazy this evening. And you chose to bless me with an event that is oh-so-rare here: a cool breeze. So thanks for that. I think maybe I'll stick with you. At least for a little while.

If only you'd consider ditching the pollen.