Last of the Month

Seriously? I forgot to post yesterday? Holy Geez. Where did that day even go? I sure don't remember.

Anyway. 

Things I Have Learned About Myself This April:

1. Blogging every day about my diabetes is like pulling teeth.

2. I have a lot of leftover feelings about a lot of things that I sort of just shoved away in a box underneath the bed.

3. Now is the time to deal with them because they are making me feel like crap.

4. Like how I don't like to talk about my diabetes. 

5. I'm a very self-aware person but somehow I've managed to avoid looking at this disease that is such a huge part of my life.

6. I LOVE T-Tapp. My back is feeling about a million times better today than it did a month ago. This morning I actually had a really sore shoulder (probably from how much I had to carry Tyler on my back yesterday), but while I was doing the workout, I actually felt it begin to un-knot and, for lack of a better way to explain it, get fixed. This is so empowering!

7. I really do put myself dead last a lot of the time, just like the stereotypical Mom. I've been wearing broken glasses for over a year now. It is time to get new ones.

8.  I love reading other people's blogs, no matter what they're about, but I always feel like this blog is too boring to read. Thanks, though, for sharing whatever it is you've shared on your blog. Being able to read others' writings is key for me in feeling connected with the outside world while caring for two children under the age of two.

9. Speaking of which...I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT THE INTERNET. Our regular 'puter recently died and I am now limited to using the internet sometime between when Ben comes home from work and when I go to bed--you know, during dinner, bath, bedtime, etc...not a lot of chances there. And it seems like I can't get anything done when I get to the computer because by the time I do, I'm just ready for bed, and not exactly a fountain of wisdom or energy and motivation.

10.  My list of books to read is never going to get any smaller.

11. I miss being able to watch Conan O'Brien.

12. Did I mention that I'm too tired at the end of the day to say anything coherent? Sorry.

13. I'm amazed and thankful that you stuck around during this month. Thanks so much. Now, hopefully I will resume posting when I actually have something to say, although I will try to post more frequently than I have in the past. But first I'm heading over to James and the Giant Moose to catch up on my posting up there.

Blah

I have an inordinate amount of rage today because some of our papers got rained on. I knew they were going to get rained on and I took every step I could think of to prevent it from happening but it didn't work and WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO MAD?!?

Maybe it's because I didn't manage to do my T-Tapp today. Gotta remember to do that!

I can't believe it's almost May. Time marches on.

Letter to my state

Dear North Carolina,

Hey, howzit goin'? Things with me are going all right, although I have to say, I generally enjoy living within your borders, but today was not so fun. If you could perhaps reconsider that whole "90% humidity" thing, I'd really appreciate it. Otherwise, this entire season is going to suck for me. Your high temps combined with the incredible amounts of moisture in your air really just make me feel like taking refuge in another state. Or at the very least, lying in a dark room in front of an air conditioner.

How could you do this to me? It's not even MAY yet and you've already brought the pain. Ouch.

Then again, James really REALLY loved it when you rained like crazy this evening. And you chose to bless me with an event that is oh-so-rare here: a cool breeze. So thanks for that. I think maybe I'll stick with you. At least for a little while.

If only you'd consider ditching the pollen.

It's Mac's fault.

Our computer died today. Not really sure what's wrong with it, but Ben thinks it's a video card problem, which most likely means spending $150-$200 to get a new one. Joy!

So now we actually have to decide if we're going to do it or not. Normally, there would be no question--we just can't survive in this house without a computer. BUT...a couple of weeks ago, something exciting happened to us, and I haven't mentioned it yet because I wasn't sure when or how it would be relevant. Today is that day--WE GOT A MAC!

Yes, I'm typing this entry on our new Mac laptop as I speak. And it is GREAT.

So, there you have it, the bad news and the good news. This could be bad for my blogging because Ben takes this 'puter to work with him, meaning I have no ability to get on the internet All Day Long! I don't know exactly how I'll survive. So pray the "old guy" computer miraculously fixes itself. But either way, at least we have this awesome new one and I'm not completely gone from WebWorld.

Okay. That was probably not so exciting for you. But it has been very exciting for us. When we were waiting for the Mac to be delivered, Ben would literally run over to the window every time he heard a truck drive by. Cute! And we've had lots of fun playing with it so far. 

So, what kind of computer do you have? And what do you like and dislike about it? And do you know anything about video cards, like where I can get a cheap one? And don't you love those Mac/PC commercials?

Hope you're all having a happy weekend. See you tomorrow~

Not a single coherent thought in the house.

Sooo...tired.

Can't...stop...watching....CSI Miami.

Only place...men can wear...pink shirts...and not look...like idiots.

Must...

Get...

Sleep...

Happy Weekend!

Zzzzzzzzzz.............

In Which I Reveal the Complex and Myriad Ways I Waste My Time

I got nothing for ya today, really. I'm just too darn tired. Although, I have to say, T-Tapp is still kickin' my bum and I'm still lovin' it. I'm really wondering if I got a secret back transplant in the middle of the night or something...aches and pains are VERY MINIMAL these last 5 days. Amazing!

Anyway. So, now to the promising title of this post. There are a great many wonderful blogs on the internets that I truly love and I wait anxiously for their owners to post new material and when they do I squeal girlishly with joy. But also, there are quite a few fun websites I enjoy that are not just your typical blog-type thing. (I'm so descriptive.)

For example...

I've recently discovered Slow Wave, a collection of comics based on readers' submitted dreams. Brilliant! So far, my favorite is this one.

I've been spending a lot of time lately searching out fabulous e-cards to send to my friend Amber (hi Amber!). The fabulous website someecards.com has me in stitches. They soooo have my sense of humor. Like this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or especially this one. Also this one. And I can't forget this. This. And this. And this Latin moment for my mom.

Okay, I'll stop now. Well, not really, but I'll stop here. In real life, I'll continue to look up more hilarious cards and laugh to myself about them and try to figure out who I can send them to without offending them. ;)

I've also started exploring the BBC Science and Nature website with these fun surveys and psychology tests. Great way to waste time! And you can say it's educational, too.

There's the famous (or infamous?) Postsecret, where people make postcard art confessing secrets that range from funny and light to serious and life-changing.

The English freak in me really loves The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It also makes me think of my mother for some reason. =)

And Engrish.com, so classic. Hours and hours of my time have been spent on that site. And it was so worth it.

And then, of course, I've been spending quite a bit of time lately browsing GoodReads and adding to my collection of books I can't wait to read. I don't really spend much time adding books I've already read, but there's always that option too. Wow, that might take me a looooooong time...

That's it for today. Sorry for being a bit flaky. It might be that whole "3 of the last 4 nights I haven't slept" thing. Eh.

Someone help me!

I've been busy entering the giveaways in the newest edition of the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival, and during this endeavor I came upon a couple of contests involving books. And I just kept seeing recommendations for interesting books, so I went on over to my Goodreads page and now I Can't. Stop. Adding. Books to read!

At this rate, I won't be done with my current to-read list for another decade or so, and by then, I'll have 50 more years of books on the list! =)

Hey, anyone have any good books they want to recommend? I'm always looking...

Reduced to a Meme

For three out of the last four nights, James has kept me up pretty much all night. Before this, he was down to normally one nursing in the middle of the night, but the last couple of nights, he is thirsty thirsty thirsty so if I don't want to nurse him I have to get up and give him a drink of water...and even that doesn't work all the time. It's been especially hard from about 4-6 a.m., when he is most wakeful, although it isn't as bad as it was in November, because at least he'll stay in bed and not cry...he's just a little fussy and tossing and turning like crazy. At this point I really wish we had a crib to try, but I know my child and I know that would probably just make him miserable. So please, God, let this pass quickly!

In the meantime, I bring you a meme from my IRL friend Jerilyn because I'm too sleepy to come up with a "real" post.

What Ifs:

What if I could meet someone in the art world to chat with?
I'm not really sure what this means. If it means only people who draw, paint, sculpt, etc. I would have to go with Van Gogh, because I think he was craaaazy but also fascinating. Or maybe Monet. For some reason I think he'd be calmer. =)


What if I could have one wish granted for the benefit of all mankind?
Ooh. Tough one. World peace is the obvious answer, so I'll go with something a little different, even though that would be just SWELL. I'll say...I wish I could give them all my mindset and altruism and openness to differences, so then world peace could be resolved on its own! Ha ha ha. No, I don't really take myself that seriously. I don't know. Maybe I'd wish for a worldwide inability to inflict violence on others, so not only would wars cease, but personal violence would be gone as well. Then again, I'd love it if we could get this whole pollution/global warming/killing the earth thing fixed up. Yeah, I'm not very good at choosing just one thing, apparently.


What if I could travel anywhere in the world?
Then I'd go everywhere! But if I had to limit myself to one place...it's a tie between Scotland and Cuba. So again I'm not good at limiting myself to one. Oops.


What if I could live in a period other than the present, for 24 hours?
Well, first I'd have to have a working pancreas so I don't feel like total crap the whole time...but then I'd go to Tudor England, DUH! Not only is Elizabeth I one of my personal "most fascinating characters in history" but I know tons and tons of random details about the period.

Also, if I went back when Henry VIII was young instead, that might be kinda fun. You know, before he got corpulent and crazy.

What if I could become an animal for 24 hours?
I'd probably do it. Oh wait. You want to know what kind of animal I'd be? I'd probably be a wasp. Because I always feel like they're stalking me and they want to do me harm, so I'd get to see if they really are as angsty and angry as my vision of them in my head. But for fun I'd want to be a fish or a bird, so I could experience breathing water or flying, that kind of thing. If I was being smart about it, I'd choose to be a big cat because then I wouldn't be worried about something else eating me...plus if I was a cheetah I could experience that whole running-at-70-miles-an-hour thing. Yes, that's right, not even trying to choose just one thing anymore...

What if I could bring someone back to life for 24 hours?
A little creepy, but okay. I'd probably pick someone I never knew in real life, because that way I don't have to go through all the heartache of losing them all over. So let's go back to that Tudor question...Elizabeth, because I'm sure Henry could inflict plenty of damage, even in just a day.

Okay, that's it. I did the T-Tapp again today, and again it kicked my bum. Ah, it feels good to have a straight back! Sweet dreams~

Day Three

Yes, I did my workout again this morning. I am so proud. Especially since James kept me up again in the night (2 hours, maybe?). Ben really helps motivate me, although he did promise to do it with me and then backed out because HE was too tired. But that just made me feel good that I did it anyway.

So, Day Three of this little experiment can be described this way: owie owie ow ow ow AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It was TOUGH to get through that workout this morning. But then for the rest of the day my back actually felt straight and my neck didn't hurt and I didn't have a headache either! Since these are symptoms I usually get quite often (most likely from carting around 2 kids under 2 most days), it was nice to be symptom-free!

Although I definitely have that whole "muscles that I didn't even know I had are now very sore" thing going on. Wow.

But I'm looking forward to tomorrow, because the book promises that Day Three is the breakthrough day and it will be easier on Day Four. I guess we'll find out soon enough! G'night.

Day Two

I did the workout again today. It really makes my back feel amazing and wonderful and NOT SORE. But...today I am feeling the burn even more. Which, I know, is probably a good thing, but whoa. My arms are especially sore, and I am ultra-fatigued. I'm wondering if maybe this is part of that whole "increases lymphatic system function" thing? Like maybe my lymphatic system is really pumping The Bad Stuff out of my body at a higher rate today, so it makes me feel worn out?

Or maybe I'm just worn out because I've done a new killer workout two days in a row. Woot woot!

Or maybe it was the high-low pattern of my blood sugars today...Persistently high-ish for the first half of the day, persistently low for the second half. Yeesh.

I always have trouble remembering to scale back on the insulin when I've had a good workout. Hopefully I can remember this one because I'll do it every day for the rest of the week!

Thank God and T-Tapp for straightening out my back, though. It feels LOVELY! =)

In other news, I sort of hate Sunday nights. Because after Sunday nights come Monday mornings. Boo Monday mornings!

See you tomorrow.

I recently purchased a book/video set that is supposed to be a "wellness workout." It makes all kinds of grand promises about curing all your aches and pains, helping your lymphatic system work more efficiently, as well as trimming and toning you. It sounds like an infomercial to me. But, as I mentioned when I reviewed the book recently, I know people in real life who also sing its praises, so when it was on sale recently, I bit the bullet.

I was supposed to start working out April 11, the beginning day of a 60-day challenge proposed on the website. But, as I've mentioned before, my life gets in the way of my plans A LOT, and thus I only started today.

And WHOA. In just 15 minutes, I was huffing and puffing and feeling the burn. But luckily, so were some of the people who were on the video! (By the way, don't you love it when an exercise video has normal-looking people on it instead of weird yoga supermodels? This one features an 80-ish lady who rocks the workout. It's great!) So apparently that's pretty much supposed to happen.

But the best part is that now, several hours afterwards, my back is feeling really nice and loose and relaxed and un-achey. So I'm going to try really, really hard to do this video every day for a week.

I'll keep you posted!

Buggin'

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I kept thinking about how I tend to write about the rough parts of my life when mostly my life is pretty great. But then I also kept thinking that it's true that I often get that "Why me?!?" feeling. Like last night, when James woke me up at 4 a.m. and didn't let me fall back asleep until sometime after 6. And of course, I had to get up by 7:30 at the latest because Tyler comes over at 8. So I was sort of screaming in my head about how unfair it was that I STILL HAVE NOT SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT SINCE JAMES WAS BORN! Why are some people blessed with children who ease into sleep like it's no problem at all, and why was I not one of these people?

You know the routine.

(Okay, side note: it's not like James has these kinds of nights every night. He usually "sleeps" all night but I have to very slightly wake up during the night once or twice to help him stay down. There was an entire month where he woke up almost every single night for multiple hours of the night, and I thought I was going to die, but mostly, the sleeping thing is fairly decent...it's just that I still don't get my sleeping needs met, so I'm on an almost-two-year deficit now, and that is sooooooo not good for my health, mental clarity, or sanity.)

So I was feeling good about my day yesterday, but also thinking WHY do all these things keep happening to ME?

And then I went to the bathroom to pee before getting into bed last night. And a bug tried to fly up my bum.

NO, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. A Bug. Tried to Fly. Up. My. BUM!!!

Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this. I know that campers are used to having multiple bugs flying around their exposed bums when they do their business, and they probably don't even bat an eye when a bug happens to, uh, butt into them accidentally. But this was beyond the pale for the privacy, serenity, and relative cleanliness of my own bathroom, ya know?

I alternately shuddered and laughed about it for several minutes. Then I went to tell Ben and we laughed about it together. And then I decided it was God's way of gifting me with the perfect thing to blog about today.

Because eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. But HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Seriously. Why DO these things always happen to ME?

You're my leather couch.

So here's the thing: I repress my feelings about my diabetes, and I repress my general depression too. Thus, I can be witty and fun when writing about James because that is a part of my life that makes me very, very happy, and I can just shut out all the complications and troubles, at least most of the time.

But then when I come here and try to post, it always ends up so maudlin that I don't feel like I should even write on this blog, because it's depressing and no one would want to read about me and my boo-hoo-hoos anyway.

However, I've changed my mind about that, since I recently realized that this whole diabetes blog thing is really just my own personal psychotherapy (in a very public, whole-world-can-read-along kind of a way). I still feel like apologizing for my boring writing and my depressing posts. But I'll try to hold back on the apologies and just let it all hang out, mind-dump on you here, because I've come to the conclusion that it's good for me. One of the main reasons I get sad is that I am lonely here. Most of my friends and family are far away. I don't get to talk to many of them, and when I do, it's not for long. The friends I have here are great but not necessarily people who want to hear me whining All. Day. Long. as I seem to want to do on this blog.

So, sorry again if you find this boring and depressing. But it's good for me. So thanks for being here for the boring and depressing side of me. I appreciate it. Maybe if I can get through the depressing stuff, just blog it all out, eventually the sunshine will break through and I'll have interesting and fun things to blog about.

Stay tuned?

Same Song, Second Verse

A little bit louder and a little bit worse?

Here I am, 10:30 at night, just getting the chance to sit down at the computer, finally. And again I am too tired to really think coherently or come up with an interesting post. I had one started, but don't have the energy or mental wherewithal to finish it for you now.

It's so depressing how I never have any time to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. On April 11, I was supposed to start this new exercise routine that I got called T-Tapp, and do a 60-day challenge thing where everyone is participating and so you have that whole group support thing that is supposed to really help...but I haven't even done the workout ONCE! And it only takes 15 minutes to do. It's just that when I do have that elusive 15 minutes of "free time," I want to do something else with it like sleep or just NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

This is why my house always looks like a nuclear accident site. I am so sick of it, but it takes energy to do anything about it, and that I do not have.

Good night. Sweet dreams. Here's hope for a more pleasant tomorrow.

My life, a constant state of delay.

Well. I didn't blog for Type I diabetes awareness yesterday, and it looks like I'm not going to get to do anything exciting and profound here today either. This just fits into the general pattern of my life, which is that anything not entirely essential to the life and well-being of myself and my family often goes undone for days, weeks, months. I just don't really have it together. This has been hard on me, but I can catch glimpses of what my life will be like once I get to catch up a little bit on my sleep, should that day ever come.

I sincerely hope that day will come soon. Until it does, however, I just can't be a reliable blogger, because I can't even manage to do all the dishes at night or remember to pay all my bills on time. James was fairly fussy today because he was sick, and that pretty much takes it all out of me. So, sorry, no amazing insight to be had here today. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow. I have lots of ideas for posts, if I can ever get around to writing and then publishing them!

I did, however, finish the Raise Your Voice post that I started the other day, and then posted it over on James and the Giant Moose. I figure this maximizes the reach of my personal Type I awareness campaign, because so many people read that one who are NOT diabetic and who DON'T read this one. So please, go read it and pretend I posted it here, okay?

I raised my voice, and it turned out that today it was whiny.

It's 10:45 p.m.

James just fell asleep 10 minutes ago.

He threw up before that, because he's extremely congested, which is why he couldn't fall asleep, and then he got upset because we had the audacity to try to squeege his nose.

(You know...that little blue thing? The bulb syringe? When we use it, we call it "squeeging." I don't know if there's a more proper technical term, but feel free to use mine if you'd like to.)

I also feel quite sick to my stomach.

Therefore, there will be no meaningful post on diabetes today like I planned. I'm bummed because it's already half-written and I was excited to get to participate in something like this, to really feel like a part of the diabetes online community (the OC for those in the know), and yet my life manages to intervene again.

Sorry folks. The Big D is a part of my life every single day, and some days are harder than others. I'll be posting more about raising my voice for diabetes awareness tomorrow...as long as we're not all sick as dogs. We'll see.

Good night!

Raise Your Voice

Tomorrow, Monday, April 14, is Raise Your Voice for Type I Diabetes Day. At least, that's what I read on one of the most famous D-blogs out there, Six Until Me. So I'll be raising my voice in every way that I possibly can while also taking care of two kids under two...won't you do the same? (Raise awareness for diabetes, I mean, not taking care of the two little guys.)

Here is a list that Kerri Morrone, the author of Six Until Me, has published with some ideas of how to get the word out to the world about what our lives are like, and how to make a difference.

So what are some things that non-diabetics can do?

Maybe you can reach out to a diabetic you know and ask them to educate you about their life experiences with this disease. Maybe you can simply read up on it a little yourself. Do you actually know the difference between Type I and Type II diabetes? Do you know what to do and what NOT to do if you're with a diabetic and he or she has low blood sugar? What would you serve for dinner if you were hosting a diabetic banquet? Can diabetics drink alcohol? Can they eat brownies? Can they have normal pregnancies? (Hopefully you know at least part of the answer to that one if you read this blog....)

And if those things don't interest you...is there anything about life with diabetes that you'd like to know? That you'd like to ask me? I'd be happy to answer!

I'll be back tomorrow. Not sure what direction I'll be taking this Raise Your Voice thing, as there are many different things I could write about...so maybe I'll make this Raise Your Voice week and just start it off tomorrow. Although technically this is my voice-raising diabetes-blogging month already....

Ah, whatever. I'm too tired to contemplate this anymore tonight. Darn allergens are really kickin' my bum lately, so good night, sleep tight, and see you on the flip side!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, CRAP.

Today at about noon I was sitting in the kitchen, peacefully and happily eating my sweet potato covered in Just Veggies (yum!), when it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't post yesterday.

DANGIT!

So yes, Megan, the BloPoMo gods have expressed their displeasure. But luckily for me, one of them happens to be a Type I diabetic who has recently given birth, so she sort of understands where I'm coming from.

Okay, I made that up. But you know what? For some reason, I just don't mind as much that I missed a day posting here as I would've if I'd skipped a day back in November on James and the Giant Moose.

Probably has something to do with that whole accountability thing, since I didn't actually sign up to blog all month this time around. Well, that and the prizes. Since I didn't lose any chances at a prize, how can I really be that upset?

Never fear. I WILL be back tomorrow for another post. I won't post again here tonight because I have two book reviews I have to do first!

Sweet dreams~

The Big D

I may have isolated one of the reasons that I can't seem to write much about my diabetes. It seems like every time I sit down to write about it, it comes out as some sort of exegesis on Life With Diabetes instead of what MY life with diabetes is all about.

And I'm thinking that that may be because of my attitude about my diabetes. What is my attitude, you ask? Well...that's the thing...I'm not entirely sure. I just know that I don't really like to think about my diabetes much, except for the troubleshooting aspects of it, like why did I have low blood sugar this afternoon, or how can I get my blood sugars to stay down after breakfast? Because when I do think about what my life with diabetes has been like, I can't help but feel regret for the life I might have had without diabetes.

Which, personally, I think is crazy! Because I know that my life would be so very different without diabetes...who knows how drastically some tiny little difference could have altered my life's path? And I am so happy with where I am, so in love with Ben and so amazed by my love for James, that I don't want to have experienced life without diabetes, because without it, I wouldn't have them, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today.

But I sure am ready for that cure. How about tomorrow? Please?

Yummy in my tummy

So tonight I made a "new vegan" dish that was the very first one this go-round that we all ABSOLUTELY LOVED. And because Ben needs the computer tonight, so I don't have time to sit and think of a more fascinating and eloquent post, here's the recipe:

Chick Peas Italiano

1 Tbsp plus 1 tsp veg oil
1 1/2 c chopped onions
1 1/2 c chopped green pepper
~3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 can chick peas, rinsed and drained
1 can tomatoes, undrained, chopped
1 8-oz can tomato sauce
~1/2 tsp dried oregano
~1/2 tsp dried basil

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add onions, green pepper, garlic. Cook until onions are lightly browned, 10-15 minutes.

Add remaining ingredients, mixing well. Cover, reduce heat to low, cook 20 minutes.

Spoon over noodles or rice.

This came from the cookbook Lean and Luscious Meatless by Bobbie Hinman and Millie Snyder that my nice friend Bev from the international moms' club loaned me. We will definitely be having it again....and again, and again, and again!

A Good Day

I started writing a post in my head this morning, one that complained about what a horrible time I had at the mechanic's today and how it made me sink down into the depths of despair about my whole life yet again...

But then the boys distracted me for a few hours, and when I came back to it, I realized that I had a pretty good day. This was due almost entirely to the fact that James loved on me a bunch and then pretended to do the dishes all day:

SO MUCH FUN! AND DID I MENTION ADORABLE?

It also helps that I got to hold a tiny little sleeping baby (Tyler), and that I learned that I don't have to take care of Zachary any more. HUGE weight off my back, as I've been going back and forth on how to handle that whole situation because I was feeling very burnt out there.

So anyway. I had a pretty good day. How could you not, with this guy by your side?

Thanks, everybody!

...For commenting on my Hollywood Diabetes musings.

Unfortunately, I've been so wrapped up in reading my comments and thinking about those that I totally forgot to come up with another post for today. Oops.

However, I was thinking earlier how Bret Michaels is a diabetic and has his own reality show now. I'm sure Rock of Love is far, far from accurate and realistic, but I wonder if they ever even mention his diabetes on the show...Has anyone seen it? Any idea? Did you know he was diabetic?

Or how about this: who's your favorite famous diabetic? Or do you know of any? Mine is probably Jean Smart, because I used to adore Designing Women when I was a kid. And because she looks so darn good these days. (Well, when she's not playing a druggie or alcoholic or whatever she was in Garden State.) Oh, and she's a good actress, at least according to me.

Y'all, it's way past my bedtime. Shame on me for staying up to watch The Soup Presents again. Do we sense a pattern here?

Diabetes+Hollywood=Bad Combination

I know you've heard about Halle Berry's confusion over her own diabetic diagnosis. And thinking about that led me to thinking about how basically everything in Hollywood is unreflective of real life. We all know that Hollywood tends to get a lot of technical details wrong in the movies. And I think it's true that people tend to be most upset at times when the movies get something wrong that we personally know about. Just ask my husband the meteorologist about the "weather facts" in Twister and watch the sparks fly.

So here are some of my thoughts on some of Hollywood's portrayals of diabetes:

1. I was watching reruns of One Tree Hill recently...(did I just admit that? Online? Where the whole world can see? Ouch.) ...And during the school-shooting episode, there's a girl who supposedly has diabetes. Within an hour, she goes from just fine to looking like death, and one of the main characters says, "Oh my gosh, you're diabetic. Where's your insulin?" to which she replies that it's in her locker...

I find this irritating because it seems like people always think that when a diabetic is feeling bad, they must need insulin. ESPECIALLY when there is an emergency that comes up quickly, like within an hour, it's usually LOW blood sugar, not high. Just to be clear, when I have low blood sugar, if you gave me an insulin shot, it would probably kill me.

But people always think they know how to treat diabetics. Do persons with other diseases get preached at the same way diabetics do? Like when I had a friend who chronically drank to get drunk who said that she saw me having a cocktail at dinner and was concerned about me, since everyone knows diabetics aren't supposed to have alcohol. Huh?

Or the famous stranger-in-the-restaurant or friend-of-a-friend who learns you're diabetic and then yells at you that YOU SHOULD NOT EAT THAT CAKE IT WILL KILL YOU NOW. These types of situations are tough. Which brings me to my next movie moment:

2. Steel Magnolias. I only saw this once, and I don't even remember if there are any blaring inaccuracies like treating hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) with insulin, but I do know that this has struck fear into the hearts of everyone who saw it and who learned that I was pregnant in 2005. That just isn't good. I get that Hollywood isn't supposed to be realistic, really, but it sticks in people's minds because it's the only example of a diabetic pregnancy that they've ever heard of. And it's a bad one, not only because of how things turn out for, what was her name? Shelly? But because it is NOT something that is likely to happen, especially to someone in good control with NO complications...like me! But speaking of treating hypos...

3. Did you ever see Panic Room? This is a somewhat small detail in the movie but it strikes me as the most ridiculous diabetes error I can think of: The mom and daughter are stuck in the panic room in their house, burglars trying to get them or whatever, and the daughter is having a low...and they freak out because there isn't any food in the room...only ketchup. ONLY KETCHUP? OH NO! You know, if I ever had to be stuck in a room with only one edible substance during a hypo, BRING ON THE KETCHUP! That stuff has a super-high sugar content, which is exactly what is needed during a hypo...forget what you heard from that guy who told you I can't eat cake.

So yeah, I know these are only a couple examples, and I know Hollywood isn't necessarily supposed to reflect reality, but...come one! I could go on, but I'm aware of my tendency to be long-winded, so I'll spare you. Also? I'm still a bit tired, so I'm trying to go to bed soon. But I probably won't, because Iron Chef America is on tonight. Allez cuisine!

See you tomorrow~

Why am I so tired?

Maybe because it's been raining for the past 10 days straight?

Maybe because pollen is on the attack and my world is covered in green fuzzy dust?

Maybe because it's 10 p.m. and I still haven't showered, which means I won't get to bed for at least another 30-45 minutes?

Maybe because I took a (beautiful, lovely, delicious) nap today, but it was cut short when I woke up feeling funny and my blood sugar was 36?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

I'm sorry. I don't have a coherent post in me. I'm off to bed. See you tomorrow.

P.S. Does anyone else have the problem of having to get up in the night to pee when you DON'T have high blood sugar? I've been struggling with this lately, because I'm always dying of thirst, so I have to drink a ton of water, but then getting up in the night (I only do it once) is just so painful because I'm SO TIRED. People keep telling me to stay away from water at night, but it's been an hour since my last glass of water and I am already feeling like a dried and pruney, ucky version of myself. Not sure what to do about that, just wondering if anyone else had similar experiences or whatever. Sorry if that's not very coherent. See above post. ;)

I know you think I'm a freak now. But I'm ok with that.

It's funny how we (people in this culture and this time) always talk about the horrors of being a woman. You know, the pain of childbirth, the scary PMS commercials, and all the bad things we have to say about menopause.

Well, guess what? I say it's all bull. I had a painfree and drugfree childbirth, and it liberated me. It made me realize that my body is not broken just because I'm a woman, so why should all these normal female events be so bad? (And yes, I had heard this idea before in all my liberal college education-type studies, but you know, nothing like experience to drive home the point.)

It's all about perception. You see, most of us here, today, won't have painfree childbirth, or for that matter, joyful PMS, because the idea that it's bad is so deeply embedded in our culture conscience. (Is my anthropology degree showing yet?) This reminds me of the true story of people who fall down dead because they think they're going to. See, the death is real, but there isn't a physiological reason behind it...they willed themselves dead by thinking they were going to die. And if someone can do something so powerful, is it really that hard to understand that I'm saying not that these pains aren't real, but simply that they don't have to be? That maybe they're real but they come from a place that is not in our bodies?

Now...why the heck am I getting all anthropological and weird on you? Well, because I'm in the middle of a big ol' PMS day, my third post-pregnancy PMS, and for the third time, I've noticed something: being in this place mentally is actually good for me. It is the one time that I can think about all the negative aspects of life constructively, that I have a chance at creatively solving these things instead of just muddling through them.

So even though I've felt pretty frazzled, I know it's weird but...in a way I'm grateful, because I've had all these same problems for awhile now, and this has actually galvanized me to do something about them, and helped me figure out things that might help.

So, thank you, PMS, for showing me where I've gone wrong and helping me find my way.

I hope I haven't completely freaked you out or confused you. I'm just sayin', is all. If it doesn't make sense to you, no biggie. But if it does...well, who wouldn't want to have these things be painless and joyful?

Two bads and a good

Today my blood sugars were crazy. Woke up low, at 54. An HOUR later? 290. An hour and a half after that? 42. (And no, I did not do a crazy over-correct to get that second low. I took THREE UNITS. What was I supposed to do? Leave it at 290? Not bloody likely!)

Anyway. I think this can be directly traced to two factors. The first is my breakfast. I always, always eat a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, and because the last few days have been so rough, we are pretty much out of normal food, so I ate some dry cereal instead. MISTAKE. This is why diabetics are often not very excited about eating new foods--because we have no idea how they'll affect our blood sugars, and sometimes it can be really tough to get a handle on the right dose for a new meal.

The second factor is the hormone factor. I forgot how much my blood sugar tends to fluctuate when it's about that time of the month. Just another way that diabetes affects things that non-PWDs probably never think about, and that I have to re-adjust myself to constantly.

Luckily...I married the right man. Ben came home early today and let me take a nap from about 3:30 to 5:30. And even though my blood sugar was a little bit high when I woke up...I still feel SO MUCH BETTER.

But now he's back at work to make up for coming home early. And I miss him. I have the best husband in the world!

So today was a good day. And now I'm going to talk to my sister on the phone and then go to bed...a good night. =)

One of those days

I feel like total poo today. I'm exhausted and cranky. I've been sleep deprived for, oh...21 months or so now. I also feel vaguely achy and allergic, since a few days ago the trees opened up and released the bright green shiny pollen dust that now coats EVERYTHING around here. AND...I think my fertility is trying to establish itself again. Hello there, PMS. I've missed you.

Also, I have diabetes. Sometimes I think that diabetics are just chronically more tired than the average person, and that we just have to muddle through and push ourselves to live at the same pace as everyone else. But then I realize that's totally not true...it's just that I feel that way because of everything that's going on in my life, and my diabetes is a huge part of that tiredness burden. It is true that any time I have low or high blood sugar, it makes me feel fatigued, and when you add that on top of the aforementioned issues I'm having, it just leaves me sooooo drained.

And then the PMS thing just makes me look around my house and say LORD DELIVER ME FROM THIS CRAPHOLE! I am so tired of the mess and of being too tired to clean it up.

Thanks for listening to me whine. I'm going to bed now because I think that's wisest.

Otherwise, I might find something else to be irritated about.

I just can't stop.

I've mentioned before that April is going to be my month to post my thoughts on my life and my diabetes EVERY DAY. I just haven't been able to bring those thoughts out into the open much lately, so I'm excited to be dedicating myself to MAKING myself write every day this month.

Anyway, I thought I'd start with something fairly non-diabetes-related...Donna's Six-Word Memoir meme! Here are the instructions she gave me:

1) Write your own six word memoir;
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere;
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links; and
5) Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

And here's my memoir:

Watching, listening,
Thinking, talking,
Loving living.

And then for fun...the diabetes-related alternate that didn't make the cut:

High, low, fast, slow, always me.

And the one that is truest to my blogging life and style:

Almost never able to remain concise.

And I'm going to pass this cool meme out into the non-diabetes world, since I know just about everyone in D-land has been tagged already. Therefore, I tag:

My blog-world friend Veronica, because just today she posted about not having anything to post;
My sister, because I can always count on her, and therefore maybe I can count on her to do this;
My mom friend Tara, because I know she will spread the meme love;
My husband, because his will be hopefully be about chocolate;
And my college buddy Jimmie, because she's fun, and maybe she'll make her (wacky) husband do it too.
Oh, heck, I'll just tag Aaron as well, since I want to see what his mind comes up with.

See you tomorrow!